I turned 29 last week and wrote about stepping foot in a bookstore for the first time since January and promptly bursting into tears near the back of the empty shop. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed the feeling of being surrounded by unread pages on dusty wooden shelves—and the way a place can just open you right up. That was the last time I cried and immediately felt a sense of relief.
Crying is often viewed as a sign of weakness, according to behavioral scientist Stephen Sideroff. As kids, we’re often taught there are feelings you just don’t express aloud: anger and resentment, for example. And we carry that into adulthood.
“We gradually learn to regulate — and sometimes repress and stifle awareness of — our feelings,” Sideroff told CNN in July. “But we don't hold emotions in only our heads,” he said. “We store them in our bodies, too.”
By crying, we can allow ourselves to be vulnerable. And “being vulnerable and letting down your guard is a way of recovering, in a sense, from stress and tension,” he added. Not only can unprocessed feelings lead to depression, Sideroff and other experts reiterated, but they can also cause you to lash out in inappropriate ways.
Foreign Bodies, I’d love to hear about the last time you had a good, relief-inducing cry. Share in the comments, if you can?
my ajumma passed last month and I don't think I processed it at all until a recent zoom call with my cousins in seoul on sunday. After hanging up the call, I cried myself into a nap and woke up feeling so much lighter.
Julie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Those before-bed cries are some of the best. The waking up feels like a restart, a way to move forward after feeling stuck.
I just cried out of nowhere last week because I really missed my nieces and nephews! Some of them live only half an hour away, but I am minimising social interactions as much as possible because my elderly mother lives with me and I want to keep her safe. But also that was like a compounded feelings and fears of — how long is this (whatever this is) is going to be? What about our jobs? How long can I keep my loved ones safe while keeping my sanity intact? When was the last time I have met friends physically? etc.
Zana, I relate so hard (and assume so many others do, too!) I'm with my elderly grandparents right now, too. And my folks are in health care. Social interactions have been incredibly limited and it's overwhelming when the same questions pop up again and again. Do you feel any relief when you cry about this? And are you able to find ways to spend time with friends that feel safe? My best friend, who I know has been extra careful, sometimes meets me in the park to do some painting. She's one of the only people I've been able to comfortably spend time with, but that interaction has been so necessary.
I have had weekly zoom calls with a couple of good friends every other week, and while they won't really replace physical interactions, it does help fill the gap in some ways! Oh yes after having that cry, I felt much better — but somewhat sillier, but then I reassured myself it's completely OK. I love that you are able to spend time with you best friend and do some painting, that is such a lovely arrangement!
Last week, I cried in the car, and then again waiting for a Rx at Walgreens, and then again at Sephora. I had gotten one of those “let’s just be friends” texts from a romantic interest who I suppose I had fallen hard for quickly and it just hit me in such a way at that moment. Made me realize it had been a while since I had cried and it felt good. I don’t know why but I find it somewhat comfortable to cry (particularly now under the mask) in public. People seem never to comment or stare in the few instances it’s happened and there’s some universal understanding there.
I relate so much to this, Kelly. Especially that One Thing that feels like the last straw and just leads to a complete downpour. I'm so glad it's felt GOOD to release. And I agree, I've seen a few criers down at my local park and it feels like a universal pain we're all trying to find our way through. Sending you love.
I gave birth last week and have been crying up a storm! Sleeplessness and hormones will do that to you. The nice thing about these cries is that they’re expected, so I don’t question them. Instead of asking, “what’s wrong with me?” I let the tears flow and emotions pass. It feels so much healthier. I wish I’d approached more situations this way.
It *is* healthy! I can't count the number of times I've wondered what was wrong during a tear-fall instead of embracing it as just that. Love seeing your updates, mama Katie. She's so beautiful.
Crying spells are frequent with me, especially this year. Can't seem to help it, either. I've never been someone to wear her emotions on her sleeve, but here I am, a raw nerve that can go off an emotional bender at any moment.
I cry quietly while watching TV, on my long walks in the neighborhood, in my therapy sessions, in bed at night. Sometimes it's cathartic. Sometimes it's exhausting. But I'm trusting that this is just the natural response my body is having at the moment. I think crying is my mind's stress reliever of choice. Ah, to be embarrassingly human.
Oh man, it's usually really hard for me to cry, but the last two weeks I've been weeping at everything — the final episode of the Good Place really got me, the Oreo add with the dad who repaints his fence, every single book I've opened. It's felt like a really lovely breaking open and allowing something vulnerable out into the world. I'm not sure where it's coming from, but I kind of hope it sticks around.
I need to see this Oreo ad! And ugh, same here with The Good Place (and Steven Universe!) I love that you're finding beauty in the ~breakdown~ Alia! I hope it sticks around, too.
Too much going on—and the tasks, deadlines, pressures remain. I'm really glad you took that break. I hope it offered some relief. Thank you so much for sharing, Courtney.
This just reminded me to get a good cry in this week.
yesssssss!
my ajumma passed last month and I don't think I processed it at all until a recent zoom call with my cousins in seoul on sunday. After hanging up the call, I cried myself into a nap and woke up feeling so much lighter.
Julie, I'm so sorry for your loss. Those before-bed cries are some of the best. The waking up feels like a restart, a way to move forward after feeling stuck.
I just cried out of nowhere last week because I really missed my nieces and nephews! Some of them live only half an hour away, but I am minimising social interactions as much as possible because my elderly mother lives with me and I want to keep her safe. But also that was like a compounded feelings and fears of — how long is this (whatever this is) is going to be? What about our jobs? How long can I keep my loved ones safe while keeping my sanity intact? When was the last time I have met friends physically? etc.
Zana, I relate so hard (and assume so many others do, too!) I'm with my elderly grandparents right now, too. And my folks are in health care. Social interactions have been incredibly limited and it's overwhelming when the same questions pop up again and again. Do you feel any relief when you cry about this? And are you able to find ways to spend time with friends that feel safe? My best friend, who I know has been extra careful, sometimes meets me in the park to do some painting. She's one of the only people I've been able to comfortably spend time with, but that interaction has been so necessary.
I have had weekly zoom calls with a couple of good friends every other week, and while they won't really replace physical interactions, it does help fill the gap in some ways! Oh yes after having that cry, I felt much better — but somewhat sillier, but then I reassured myself it's completely OK. I love that you are able to spend time with you best friend and do some painting, that is such a lovely arrangement!
Last week, I cried in the car, and then again waiting for a Rx at Walgreens, and then again at Sephora. I had gotten one of those “let’s just be friends” texts from a romantic interest who I suppose I had fallen hard for quickly and it just hit me in such a way at that moment. Made me realize it had been a while since I had cried and it felt good. I don’t know why but I find it somewhat comfortable to cry (particularly now under the mask) in public. People seem never to comment or stare in the few instances it’s happened and there’s some universal understanding there.
I relate so much to this, Kelly. Especially that One Thing that feels like the last straw and just leads to a complete downpour. I'm so glad it's felt GOOD to release. And I agree, I've seen a few criers down at my local park and it feels like a universal pain we're all trying to find our way through. Sending you love.
I gave birth last week and have been crying up a storm! Sleeplessness and hormones will do that to you. The nice thing about these cries is that they’re expected, so I don’t question them. Instead of asking, “what’s wrong with me?” I let the tears flow and emotions pass. It feels so much healthier. I wish I’d approached more situations this way.
It *is* healthy! I can't count the number of times I've wondered what was wrong during a tear-fall instead of embracing it as just that. Love seeing your updates, mama Katie. She's so beautiful.
Crying spells are frequent with me, especially this year. Can't seem to help it, either. I've never been someone to wear her emotions on her sleeve, but here I am, a raw nerve that can go off an emotional bender at any moment.
I cry quietly while watching TV, on my long walks in the neighborhood, in my therapy sessions, in bed at night. Sometimes it's cathartic. Sometimes it's exhausting. But I'm trusting that this is just the natural response my body is having at the moment. I think crying is my mind's stress reliever of choice. Ah, to be embarrassingly human.
To be embarrassingly, beautifully human. :) And hey, maybe that post-cry exhaustion is your body's way of forcing you to rest.
Oh man, it's usually really hard for me to cry, but the last two weeks I've been weeping at everything — the final episode of the Good Place really got me, the Oreo add with the dad who repaints his fence, every single book I've opened. It's felt like a really lovely breaking open and allowing something vulnerable out into the world. I'm not sure where it's coming from, but I kind of hope it sticks around.
I need to see this Oreo ad! And ugh, same here with The Good Place (and Steven Universe!) I love that you're finding beauty in the ~breakdown~ Alia! I hope it sticks around, too.
Too much going on—and the tasks, deadlines, pressures remain. I'm really glad you took that break. I hope it offered some relief. Thank you so much for sharing, Courtney.
(and work conflict is truly some of the worst kind)