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Fiza Pirani's avatar

I'll start. I've learned that losing respect for people you love is incredibly painful, and I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate that without falling into hopelessness. I've also learned that while I thrive in solitude, many of my loved ones don't. I'm trying to make more efforts to be there for friends physically—through letters or mail. I'm slowly learning to be better at this (tips??) but I still often feel guilty for missing video calls just because I prefer to be completely alone.

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Ida Yalzadeh's avatar

Ahh, I'm the opposite of you, and many of my friends are introverts who thrive in solitude, so this definitely speaks to me from the other side! I definitely don't think you should feel guilty about what you need, though. For those friends who are introverts, I recognize that I should not take their silence personally, and to wait until they are ready to reach out. :) I'm sure many of your loved ones also will give you the space and time you need to feel ready to be present with them.

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

<3 I so appreciate this, Ida!! They do give me the space, and it's such a blessing. We've committed to treat-yourself Saturday night virtual hangouts with a few tasty indulgences (cake, pops, wine!) and it's been lovely.

p.s. you're the winner of our latest giveaway!! Check your email :)

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Ida Yalzadeh's avatar

That sounds amazing! :) Glad that your friends are good ones :)

Also thank you how exciting!

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to be loved's avatar

I've learned that I tend to define myself using the people around me or who is in my life at the moment and that leaves in a strange place when I consider them leaving or who I am without them.

I'm learning what it means to love myself for myself, not because of how useful, productive or rich or capable I am.

I'm learning that I don't want to be hidden or silent and I want to write and present more, even it's just for my blog, or in a work meeting or with a friend.

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

This is beautiful and such a necessary reflection. Thank you for sharing. I hope you find more healing in words and I have a feeling you'll be learning to love yourself for yourself soon—the will is clear <3

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julie's avatar

that i get more social anxiety from video social stuff than irl hangouts because there's a lot of silence in video hangouts and maybe i've never been comfortable with the quiet!!

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julie's avatar

haha did n't mean to be eager, but I did not realize this before quarantine tbh

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

This is a huge realization! I hope you begin to find some comfort in quiet 🌹

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Jillian Anthony's avatar

I have learned to be more self-compassionate, which I think can be a life-saving trait. I can see and feel the difference in how I speak to and treat myself after a year of work. I'm proud of myself!

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

I'm proud of you, too!! <3

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Rosalie Chan's avatar

I learned that being productive gives me more purpose in life, but I've also had more time to reflect on some emotions I've had stewing inside me. I learned that mindset is really important. Even if it takes time for emotions to heal, the first step is mentally wanting to do so. I've been able to accomplish many goals such as spending more time working on my newsletter (https://truecolors.substack.com/) and figuring out near-term plans.

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

You have a new subscriber! 💌 and I totally get it. I’m also trying to forgive myself for the less-than-productive days, and reshaping what exactly productivity looks like (aka not just an output of financial reward).

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

Can you share how you kind of walk yourself into *wanting* to feel the not-so-fun feels?

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Rosalie Chan's avatar

Thank you so much for subscribing! I think I meant wanting to heal, not wanting to feel that. Like for example if I feel down about something, it helps a little to tell myself that things have changed in my life for the better.

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

Gratitude does wonders.

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Shabnaj Chowdhury's avatar

I've learned that even as an introvert who has no problem spending time alone, I crave people and connection and physical touch just like anyone else.

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

It's such a misconception! How are you coping during this isolation/shutdown?

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Shabnaj Chowdhury's avatar

Not so bad, actually! Some days are tough, but I think I’ve adapted to the new normal relatively quickly. But of course, I miss my friends and would like a physical separation from the same old surroundings I’ve been in. But all things considering, I’m grateful.

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Ida Yalzadeh's avatar

Thanks for creating this space, Fiza. I was actually doing my mid-year reflection earlier this week, and found myself writing that I am much more adaptable to circumstances than I thought I would be initially. I also have found that I'm invested in creating and joining communities of folks who want to engage in navigating to a better world with me, both IRL and virtually. Virtually, I've also started a newsletter (https://tinydriver.substack.com/) that I hope will allow for these sorts of conversations to continue.

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

Thank you for sharing, Ida! Do you usually do a mid-year reflection or is this something new? And I love that you had that realization. Adaptability is such a gift. Subscribing to your letter now! <3

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Ida Yalzadeh's avatar

I usually do an end of year reflection, but so much had already happened that I needed a space to process it all!

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to be loved's avatar

I really want to try to do these. Is there a format you use? :)

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Ida Yalzadeh's avatar

Yes! I usually do something like this:

- list of memorable moments

- 3 things I accomplished

- 3 things I learned

- 1 thing/person I'm grateful for

- Things I'd like to improve in the coming year

- 3 things I'd like to learn or do

- 1 top priority

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Alex Rodriguez's avatar

So much, Fiza. First, that posting on social media is not enough. I have to have hard converstaions with my family about racism. Sometimes it goes well but I do not always get through.

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Fiza Pirani's avatar

Me too, Alex. Did someone confront you about posting on social media? Or is there something that made you question what else you should do? Share if you can ♥️

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