Good Monday morning, Foreign Bodies fam. Last week, I had to take some time off of work to accommodate a flare-up of chronic pain in my spine and I’m still feeling guilty about canceling meetings, asking for deadline extensions and just generally needing a minute to let my body catch up. I’m now sitting here at 5:43 a.m. on Monday morning prepping for the weekly Foreign Bodies roundup as I feel my nerves pinch and sense another flare-up around the corner.
What I’ve learned from my body in the last several years since my mysterious tailbone pain first began is that it typically ignites when I’ve physically maneuvered my spine in a strange way (think new exercise, prolonged movements or sitting, sleeping oddly) coupled with when I’m stressed about larger issues I can’t control, like, well, war and violence and climate change. If I ignore my body’s early signals, I’m bound to have a longer, more expensive (U.S. health care, as we know) and more emotionally draining recovery. So here I am, once again, taking time off from a part of my work, skipping this week’s roundup, and forcing myself to rest and breathe. But as I type up this message on my phone with a wedge pillow between my knees and painkillers on my bedside table, I can’t stop beating myself up.
I know what I would tell a good friend of mine in the same boat: That they should listen to their body, that their health takes priority, that no employer or client who doesn’t approach this situation with empathy first is worth a minute of your time. Alas, we all know how hard it is to heed our own advice.
So, friends, if any of you have been in this boat, how do you cope with the guilt of taking time off—whether it’s due to physical or mental injury, or to grief, anything at all? I’d love to hear. Feel free to leave a comment or email me privately.
I'm know lots of others have said this, but doing everything I can to internalize the idea that I can't do anything for anyone else if I'm not taking care of myself has been helpful.
I think another thing that has helped me is believing in the idea that taking care of myself is actually a radical act of resistance against capitalist structures — it's often easier for me to do things "for the cause" than for myself, and this idea helps me combine those two ideas into one.
By taking care of yourself, you're inspiring all of us to do the same thing for our hearts and bodies, so thank you <3
Thank you so much for your kindness, Alia! You're so right—and I'm so much like you in that shifting the mindset as a challenge to capitalist structures tends to ease the pressure I place on myself. I appreciate you giving me that reminder :)
Fiza, extending you warmth and kindness at this time! Thank you for sharing this with us, your readers. I get the feeling of guilt, too, when I want to take time off for me - be it for mental health or self-care. The guilt is so bad, that I sometimes even think, 'Well I don't really need that day off,' but no. I do. It's okay to take time off. We weren't meant to just be bodies that work like computers all day.
Your words have stuck with me since last night, Courtney! Especially this: If I was feeling pain or anxiety or depression it was because my body was having to shout at me that I was working too hard. The message my body was sending was legitimate and worthy.
Thank you so much. Do you mind if I share your Substack post in next week's roundup?
Sending you so much love, Fiza <3
I'm know lots of others have said this, but doing everything I can to internalize the idea that I can't do anything for anyone else if I'm not taking care of myself has been helpful.
I think another thing that has helped me is believing in the idea that taking care of myself is actually a radical act of resistance against capitalist structures — it's often easier for me to do things "for the cause" than for myself, and this idea helps me combine those two ideas into one.
By taking care of yourself, you're inspiring all of us to do the same thing for our hearts and bodies, so thank you <3
Thank you so much for your kindness, Alia! You're so right—and I'm so much like you in that shifting the mindset as a challenge to capitalist structures tends to ease the pressure I place on myself. I appreciate you giving me that reminder :)
Fiza, extending you warmth and kindness at this time! Thank you for sharing this with us, your readers. I get the feeling of guilt, too, when I want to take time off for me - be it for mental health or self-care. The guilt is so bad, that I sometimes even think, 'Well I don't really need that day off,' but no. I do. It's okay to take time off. We weren't meant to just be bodies that work like computers all day.
Thank you Hasheemah ♥️ I feel I have to remind myself I’m not a machine several times a day sometimes.
Also—your name! It’s so beautiful.
Thanks Fiza! I'm named after my grandmother.
Your words have stuck with me since last night, Courtney! Especially this: If I was feeling pain or anxiety or depression it was because my body was having to shout at me that I was working too hard. The message my body was sending was legitimate and worthy.
Thank you so much. Do you mind if I share your Substack post in next week's roundup?
-Fiza